February 2010
27 posts
1 tag
“Penthouse Rooms are located at the top floor. The privilege of balconies make...”
– Ferman Hotel, Istanbul, Turkey (Thanks Mia!)
2 tags
Das Parkhotel, Ottensheim, Austria
I think we’ll let the copy and images from this hotel’s website speak for themselves. But they’d better be speaking with an exaggerated German accent.
“dasparkhotel is conceived and implemented primarily as a hospitality tool.”
“The chance to safely store your luggage and recharge portable electronic devices allows complete freedom of movement. “
...
4 tags
Nuovo Albergo Russo, Trapani, Sicily
Nuovo Albergo has a typical Italian hotel website - like someone’s kid brother got a hold of a discarded HTML book from 1998, and is now treated like the Bill Gates of his village. And once again, the photos tells a story much different than “Come stay here.” We’ll call this one, “Mafia Mystery on Acid”:
Concetta Nunziata receives an ominous warning from the...
2 tags
Finestra su Roma Apartment, Rome, Italy
Now, I know this isn’t technically a hotel, but I had to include it here because, while their name charmingly means “Window on Rome,” the only view they decided to show us was of my favorite thing: Hallways. This looks like the establishing shot for a Law & Order scene.
I’m not sure what we’re supposed to be focusing on here.
Do I need to present my hall...
3 tags
Hotel Central Dominik Panzio, Budapest, Hungary
I think I know what happened here. Someone in management told a lackey to take a picture of a hotel room for something called a website, which he knew nothing about. But, being the dutiful employee he is, he grabbed his camera and a key, opened the door, snapped this picture and left.
When the pimply-faced night clerk saw this on the website (no doubt while looking for porn), he called up a...
2 tags
Franciacorta Golf Hotel, Paratico, Italy
I feel like this is the crime scene photo taken after a failed writer died under questionable circumstances. Please note:
1. Varsity sweater.
2. Upended typewriter.
3. Someone’s been drinking.
4. Collection of unidentifiable objects on bed.
Well, hello, ladies. I love a good hotel nightclub. Could you direct me to the spa?
I’m trying to think of how that covered table in...
3 tags
Red Rose Hotel, Chiang Rai, Thailand
Another reader submission! Keep them coming, gang! The Red Rose Hotel in Chaing Rai is from Jason, who says, “It was an old short-time hotel, where you would park your car next to your room and they’d pull a curtain shut behind it. Then no one could see that you were out for afternoon delight with your secretary. Nowadays the rooms have drastically changed. Like Toontown vomited.”
...
Moby Dick Oceanfront Lodge, Nanaimo, British...
(Note: This appeared on the original WP blog, and I got a death threat* for it! I was also told that it’s since changed ownership, which we can only hope indicates a change in the website as well.)
I’ve got a doozy for you, sent in by faithful reader David. Hold on to your hats, matey, because the Moby Dick Oceanfront Lodge is coming for YOU.
One of these has to be true:
1. The...
4 tags
Hotel Viennese, Rome, Italy
This hotel’s website is unique in that not only are there four completely different websites for the five languages they offer; each one is absolutely atrocious. I feel like a kid at Christmas. I don’t even know where to start. I guess we’ll go by language.
Italian - I want to say that this one was made in about 1992 and then forgotten; but I just checked and it was updated...
2 tags
Tour Hotel, Blois, France
What is it about this picture on the Tour Hotel’s home page that reminds me of the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band?
I’m not refuting that the hotel, the landscaping, the hot air balloon and the girl on the bike exist. I am, however, highly skeptical that they were all in frame at the same time. I’m also unsure why this otherwise bucolic, if entirely...
2 tags
Best Hotel Beuzeville, Beuzeville, France
Oh my God, you guys. How bad is a hotel when the pictures on their website AREN’T EVEN REAL?
Looks like a lot of people are checking in. And by people, I mean Sims.
How about you stop playing World of Warcraft for 10 minutes and go see the probably nonexistent town of Beuzeville?
That lighting looks like an operating room. IN SECOND LIFE.
Gee, that bed looks uncomfortable. ...
2 tags
Hotel Oswaldo, Budapest, Hungary
There is some right, but so much wrong with this website; and yet, if I were booking a trip to Budapest, I must confess I would be tempted to stay here. And do you know why? Because they use people in their pictures - lots and lots of people - and every single one of them is having the time of their lives:
There are couples! Families! An astonishingly pale emo kid! Everyone’s a winner...
3 tags
SuperHotel, Paris, France
With a name like that, you know I had to check it out. And, just as I suspected, SuperHotel’s website did not disappoint. I have so many items to cover, I actually needed to make a list.
1. The words FEDERAL HOTEL appear much larger than the actual hotel’s name, which was confusing. Further research determined that FEDERAL HOTEL is a site that books hotels throughout France - and no...
2 tags
Eur Suite Hotel, Rome, Italy
Oooooh, we have another tricky one here, as compared to prior entrants their website looks positively sublime - non-jarring flash photo sequences, muted colors, navigable menu. Even the pictures are well-produced.
What’s in the pictures, however, tells another story - and this is why their website makes the Eur Suite Hotel an Unfortunate Hotel.
If you’re not familiar with Eur,...
2 tags
Hotel Sonya, Rome, Italy
While I’ve never stayed in the Hotel Sonya, I am familiar with its location in Rome. That’s why I find their website a bit misleading - it’s not, as you would think, a photo of the hotel on their home page; rather it is a picture of the view from the hotel, of the Teatro Nazionale and its palm-filled piazza.
Despite this bit of hocus-pocus and the fact that their website looks...
2 tags
Silver Reef Hotel, Udon Thani, Thailand
We have our first reader entry! This one is from Tessa. The home page of the website for the Silver Reef Hotel states,
Just completed, a totally new hotel with 20 tastefully decorated rooms located in the downtown area of Udon Thani. Convenient for all your business and leisure needs.
We’ll see about that:
The pixellation is due to the photos on the site having been...
3 tags
Albergo del Golfo, Naples, Italy
The Albergo del Golfo’s website is actually quite nice. The photos don’t make me queasy or give me a seizure, the color scheme is lovely, and the article ain’t half bad for an SEO piece, either. But, as always, the truth is in the photo gallery. Sigh.
Buckets of blood, second floor. Again with The Shining. What is it with hotels trying to scare me with their haunting...
2 tags
Mitre Suites Hotel, Buenos Aires, Argentina
The Mitre Suites Hotel home page is… well, it’s kind of cute, actually. Simple, but not anonymous. There’s a bit of flair going on. And it’s OK that I click on “English” and am given Spanish. I’m down with that.
But little did I know that by clicking on the photo gallery, I would be taken to a CCTV feed of a room awaiting its next kidnapping victim. I...
1 tag
Hotel Liège Strasbourg, Paris, France
Prepare yourselves.
First, we need a scorecard to tally up the famous cities in the name of this hotel. The Hotel Liège Strasbourg is not, as you would think, either in Liège or in Strasbourg; it’s near the Gare de l’Est in FRICKING PARIS. Second - nice website, right? Well then, let’s take a look at what… the hell… is that an OLD MINITEL?
This is where the...
2 tags
Hôtel d'Angleterre, Montpellier, France
They fished their site out of the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. And at any moment, I’m expecting the twins from The Shining to come through these doors:
“Come play with us, Danny…” Seriously, how terrifying are those doors? You can put all the rattan chairs and house plants in front of it that you want, but there’s no way I’m going through those doors.
2 tags
Hotel Agumar, Madrid, Spain
Oh, Hotel Agumar. You try so hard with your professional looking, tiny tiny website. Perhaps you thought the peephole size of your pictures could shield the potential guest from THIS!
First off, there is happy, brilliant sunlight knocking on heaven’s door there behind those curtains. Why not let it in?
Secondly, the doctor will see you now. I can only assume this is in fact a hospice,...
2 tags
KRIS Tribuna Hoteles, Málaga, Spain
With the KRIS Tribuna, we have yet another egregious hotel website featuring stock photos for what appears to be either a New York Times subscription pitch or a corporate mergers and acquisitions firm. Perhaps the lack of space in the rooms shown on the site is simply a ploy to get you to visit one of their 866 dining areas:
This one is for breakfast only, as it surely doubles as an airport ...
2 tags
Hotel Benczúr, Budapest, Hungary
The Hotel Benczúr has a pretty classy website. Sure, it’s a little bit busy; but I’ve definitely seen worse. However, I hit paydirt with the photo gallery:
Not even sunlight can penetrate the event horizon of sadness. This photo is particularly disturbing to me, as I am an ardent supporter of “sunlight on the bed” photos on hotel websites. But here the sunlight only...
2 tags
Hotel Lisinski, Zagreb, Croatia
Despite what this website’s header image implies, your stay at the Hotel Lisinski does not come with a complete orchestra. It does, however, include an inordinate amount of laminated wood veneer:
Rustic!
But more disturbing than this forest of bland is the dead tree in this otherwise charming dining room: By all means, don’t highlight the gorgeous chandelier, or the adorable...
1 tag
Hotel Gambetta, Bordeaux, France
The Hotel Gambetta actually looks pretty decent. They’ve gone some nice work in the common areas. But I’d like to call your attention to 1) the alarming slope of this room’s ceiling; 2) the sad, sad state of that curtain; 3) the feeling that no amount of Bordeaux’s finest could make you feel at home in this cold, cold room.
Your trip ends here.
2 tags
La Rosa dei Venti Hotel, San Remo, Italy
The website might fool you at first - beautiful color scheme, high-end photos, flash galore. The dining room is fit for a wedding reception, and the lobby has obviously had a makeover in the last decade. But not even the fade-in on the artfully cropped photos can save these sad, sad rooms. Perhaps the hotel should have spent less on a web designer, and more on basic room refurbishment? Just a...
2 tags
Nyala Suite Hotel, San Remo, Italy
This is the photo that pushed me over the edge and led me to start this blog:
From their website, which looks like an ad for an as-yet-unapproved pharmaceutical:
Located in an exclusive and quiet neighborhood of Sanremo, peral of the Italian Riviera, the 4-star Nyala Suite Hotel offers an elegant and functional accomodations with first class service in a highly relaxing atmosphere.
Indeed. ...
